Learning you’ve been cheated on is such a terrible feeling. One of the only things that can feel worse than discovering your partner cheated on you, though, is finding out that it isn’t their first time being unfaithful. A person with a history of cheating is a serial cheater. They may cheat emotionally, physically, or both.
The cheating may have occurred once in a relationship but with multiple relationships, or numerous times with the same partner. Serial cheating simply means that someone has cheated on a partner more than once.
How can you be on the lookout for a serial cheater, and what can you do if you learn that your partner has been cheating on you repeatedly? With the help of a board-certified psychiatrist, we’ll parse out everything you need to know to handle this difficult situation.
Characteristics and Behaviors of Serial Cheaters
It’s worth noting that cheating is a form of expression, and can have many underlying causes. “Serial cheating should also be viewed as a behavioral form of communicating; a window into underlying emotions, impulses toward recreating past trauma, avoiding emotional intimacy, and low self-esteem,” explains co-founder of SohoMD Dr. Edward Ratush.
- They lie, particularly in relation to intimacy. “Cheaters lie to their partners about their intimacy priorities, hiding the fact that sexual novelty and/or sexual compulsivity are at the root of their decision tree,” says Ratush.
- They’ve cheated before. People who have cheated on past partners are more likely to do it again. This might seem obvious, but for many of us, it’s natural to give partners the benefit of the etsi VenГ¤jГ¤ morsiamet doubt that they have changed since a past mistake. It’s important to know, however, that people who cheat during their first relationship are three times as likely to do it again in their next relationship, versus those who did not cheat in theirs.
- They hide their devices. It’s perfectly reasonable to want privacy in your communication with others, but a partner who hides their phone, laptop, or tablet from you may be doing so because they have a history of cheating or are cheating currently.
- They exhibit poor impulse control. “The characteristics seen in serial cheaters can vary widely,” says Ratush, who clarifies that “this behavior can be driven by poor impulse control, potentially as a symptom of various psychiatric conditions.”
- They haven’t dealt with their emotional health issues. “Underlying conditions may range from primary psychiatric conditions, like bipolar disorder or impulse-control disorders like ADHD or substance-induced behavioral disorders,” explains Ratush. “Sexual addiction or attachment issues may also be at play,” he adds.
- They act like cheating isn’t a big deal, or say that monogamy is overrated. If your partner doesn’t seem interested in committing to you, doesn’t think monogamy is the right relationship model for them, and/or doesn’t think that cheating on a partner is a deal breaker, you should take them at face value. This line of thinking is indicative of a person who has cheated on partners.
Impact of Serial Cheating on Relationships
Serial cheating impacts both the cheater and the person being cheated on, and, in short, it just isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Both the person cheating and the person being cheated on many quickly find themself worse for the wear of the experience.
Your own history in relationships can dictate how you respond to being cheated on. “For the person being cheated on, this behavior could feed into past trauma and actually keep the partner engaged in a negative loop,” warns Ratush.
On the other hand, a positive relationship history may help you get out of the situation more quickly. “If the partner who has been cheated on possesses, themselves, a healthy attachment process and high self-esteem, they will generally move on from the relationship and avoid the drama of further negative behavior,” he says.